Dear Diary

久违的心情倾诉。。

2011-04-02T20:59:00.003+08:00

好久没有写日志了。。每次开这个网页，一定是有声么开心或不开心的。。这次是因为一件不开心的事而开这个网页的。。到底是什么呢？

好久没有被人这样教训了。该怎么写呢？我要拥有一个不是很贵的东西来解闷。我告诉了XX。。我并没有要求他有什么实际的行动。只是循例告诉他而已。但是却被他教训了一顿。我不奢求他像其他的XX，知道了儿子需要什么，就会尽力去满足他的要求。因为一路以来，我都是自己去想办法满足自己的需求，所以我已经习惯了。

从小到大，我就算考到好成绩，他也是认为那是也是理所当然的。我知道读好书使我身为一个学生的责任。但是我始终是一个平凡的小孩。我也需要鼓励的。。他的不闻不问，真是令人伤心失望！如果当初你能够给那么多一点点儿的鼓励和教导，相信现在的我必定能够更成功。

总而言之，一个父亲的责任实在是很重大。如果没有心理准备，真是不能当父亲。因为这会影响一个小孩子的一生。毕竟小孩是无知的。他们需要父母的指导的。

CNY

2011-02-03T08:48:00.003+08:00

Hello people. This entry is written on the first day of CNY. Nothing heavy. Just an entry without much reflection. =P

Well, another new year has come. And this is my first time celebrating CNY as a working adult. Nothing much different. I am still receiving ang pao. =)

Anyway, I hope this year would be a prosperous and of great health year for my family and me.

Life-death

2010-12-16T16:13:00.003+08:00

Warning: This entry might be (or, is) very pessimistic. Leave it if it does not benefit you.

Thinking about life, what is the ultimate goal of our lives? Ultimately, we all will die, and leave all the things that we are having NOW behind. I still remember what my late 2nd uncle told me last time. He was a pagan. He told me that when a person dies, that is it. It's just like a chicken being slaughtered (this was so funny for me last time). That the person will just sleep forever.

If it was really so, so what if I had or had not experienced anything? So what if I had or had not owned anything? So what if I led a wealthy life or a poor life? Ultimately, we will all return to God (according to my belief).

Anyway, life is short. We are given this period of time to experience His creation. So, just leave worries and troubles behind and live our life to the fullest. Enjoy the everyday that given to us.

Reflection of the day

2010-12-11T21:57:00.003+08:00

1. My grandmother came out with a foochow dialect poem. The poem highlights the virtue of thriftiness, which I need to really understand and appreciate.
2. As a lady herself, she should not have behold and support gender discrimination. Daughters are always seen as the weaker ones. This is seriously not applicable anymore in the society nowadays.
3. Do we need lots of money to lead a happy life? Definitely, the answer is no. Perhaps, this way of perception is often regarded as a way of escapism for the middle income family. However, this can be a reasonable fact! Money can also bring lots of trouble.

Till then, let's meet in the next entry.

Experience

2010-12-10T11:00:00.003+08:00

Experience is really the greatest teacher. From experience we start to realize, to learn and to appreciate.
To illustrate, after experiencing many different lifestyles, from the mundane one to the rock-and-roll one, a middle path between the two is figured out. There is always a shared zone between the two, which, I regard as the best path. The combination of the essence of the two makes another more unique and more complete choice. Well, life does not have to be too rigid. We can always come out with the mode of life that suits us the best.
Enjoy our lives to the best.

on the verge......

2010-10-16T18:34:00.003+08:00

Hi there. Have you all ever encountered this situation before?
When we are on the verge of completing something, out of a sudden, there is an unexpected and disturbing element that sabotages the whole thing? This makes us really tired and helpless. Some say this is a challenge that put forward to make us stronger. Optimistically, it is. Otherwise, it's demotivating and frustrating!~

vanity

2010-09-10T14:45:00.003+08:00

Things are difficult when it is at the initial stage. We have to adapt, and to think of what is waiting ahead for us to experience and to explore. Then, we have to think of how to excel, how to make us more outstanding than the others. Whether we want to pursue another level of education is another concern.

We work during working days, and we are off during holidays. When we are working, we are waiting for holidays. When we are on holidays, we are hoping that the holidays will not end too soon, which is rather impossible. On and off, and on and off. Time flies. What do we get ultimately? What is the final destination of ours?

Is this what people call 'Life is vain'?

Feelings

2010-09-08T20:26:00.002+08:00

Happiness comes and goes anytime;
Sadness comes without notification;
Depression attacks when spiritual insecurity penetrates;
Sadness shortens the duration of happiness;
Depression breaks the optimism;
Though negative feelings make the positive ones more outstanding,
can we just take the latter ones?
The former ones are making people miserable.

This moment...

2010-08-05T13:18:00.003+08:00

At this very moment, I just can't wait to get out of here and have a great time out there. I wanna meet my family members at home, my friends during convo and have a long walk at shopping malls.
2 weeks had passed, and I have not yet settled down mentally completely. When will this moment come? Another 2 weeks? 3 weeks? I don't know.

A litttle update from Daro

2010-07-30T08:39:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh! This is really tough. I thought I am ready for this. I thought I am sociable enough to make new friends, new companion. I knew that making new friends will help me to adapt to this entirely new, in terms of people, physical environment and food, aspects of live.

But, after all, I am not ready.

My grumble for YOU

2010-07-16T09:21:00.002+08:00

Well, it's just a game,
between us.
You do not have to be so committed.
After all, your actions do not show
your commitment.
So, do not insult certain big words
such as LOVE, SACRIFICE, SINCERITY
and so forth, because
those words do not even have
a slightest connection to what you are doing.
You are playing with words.
You are a hypocrite!

Manusia

2010-07-09T10:52:00.004+08:00

Manusia,
Kaulah makhluk yang paling pintar,
Kau mampu mencipta pelbagai alat,
Untuk memudahkan kerja harian,
dan juga memusnhkan keunikan alam semulajadi ini.

Manusia,
Kaulah makhluk yang paling kejam,
Kau menyiat kulit haiwan,
Kau membunuh haiwan yang berhak hidup di alam ini,
hanya untuk kepentingan sendiri.

Manusia,
Nilai-nilai murni semakin luntur dalam dirimu,
Sikap mementingkan diri semakin jelas kelihatan pada dirimu,
demi membina bangunan pencakar langit,
demi membentuk imej yang membanggakan,
Kau sanggup memusnahkan fauna,
Kau sanggup memusnahkan pemberianNya yang tidak ternilai.

Manusia,
Kau diamanahkan untuk menjaga alam ini,
Kau hanya berhak menghayatinya
Tetapi tidak berhak untuk memusnahkannya.

(Wong Siew Bin, 2001)

Like moon like stars

2010-07-05T21:15:00.001+08:00

Certain wishes are just like the moon and stars.
They are not reached easily.

Is being emotional good?

2010-07-05T17:10:00.004+08:00

Personally, I would answer yes to the question (though the better answer would be 'NO').
Well, why do I say so?
Let's take watching a drama series as example.
Would you rather cry or laugh when the scene gives you such feelings, OR sitting there emotionless like a doll when watching a drama series? Of course, the former would give you more joy and impact and thrill of watching a drama series.
Then, being emotional is good when you express your feelings to the people around you (though most people would not like this), which is healthier psychologically. And, when you are sad, you would feel much better if you cried, rather than you keep your sadness inside.
And, how does it feel when you cannot laugh when there is somebody tickling you?
Well, this is just an analogy.
~peace =))~

A story of a grandma

2010-07-04T14:16:00.004+08:00

I have a story to tell.
Grandson: Grandma! It's raining! (shouting)
There is no response.
Grandson: Grandma! It's raining! (shouting by raising his voice)
Still, there is no response.
Grandson: Grandma!! It's raining!! (shouting, until the whole neighbourhood can hear, and the grandson suffers from sore throat after that.)
The grandmother walks slowly out of her house, looking at the sky and grumbles, and to the extent of scolding.
Grandma: How come you (as in the grandson) did not even make a noise that it's raining? All of my nearly dried bedsheets went wet!
Sadly, the grandson goes into the house silently.

Distractions

2010-07-03T14:52:00.004+08:00

Very often, we lost in our ways.
The focus seems blur, because of distractions.
We do not know which way exactly to take.

Rainbow

2010-06-29T17:23:00.003+08:00

When I was a kid, often, I would like to be a grown-up.
When I am a grown-up now, I still want to be a grown-up, because I want freedom.
However, I miss the innocent and carefree lifestyle that I used to have.
I do not like the hectic and busy lifestyle that basically every adult is having.
But, once we are adults, mostly, we would be having this kind of lifestyle.
There are just so many things that adults need to handle.
So, get ready! The rainbow wouldn't be as colourful as the childhood one.
But, we can paint it as colourful as we want!

Black and White

2010-06-28T15:38:00.002+08:00

Dilemmas

Loneliness

2010-06-25T16:26:00.003+08:00

When you feel depressed,
you wouldn't want to talk,
You feel the pain all alone,
until the pain is gone.
What you see would be colourless and dull.

Having a conscious mind is crucial in learning

2010-06-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

Have you ever experienced learning in fatigue? How do you find it when you learn in fatigue? Of course, learning process would be less effective and less interesting.

When you are tired, you would have to struggle to focus on whatever is delivered. You would most probably fall asleep or doze off in the process of learning. When this happens, you would feel disconnected or go astray from the track. And, ultimately, you would lose your enthusiasm and interest in the particular subject.

What to do when you are experiencing this? I personally think that it would be helpful if you go and wash your face in the washroom by using cool water. Then, it's good to have some sweets to wake yourself up. Also, I would sometimes have a little low-volume chat with my friends who are sitting next to me. However, some teachers or the ones that are delivering the lesson would find it offensive of chatting in front of them. Therefore, it is essential to hide your chat from the teachers concerned, as a means of respecting them.

So, what are your way of regaining your consciousness? Let's share.

Contradiction

2010-06-01T22:11:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt like you want something so badly, or you have been wanting to go to certain places so much, but, when the time has come, and you are given the opportunity to get what you have been dreaming of, you feel like you do not really want it as severely? I am experiencing it now.

As I have mentioned in my previous entry, when we have rooted in the comfort zone, we might feel reluctant to move even an inch out of the comfort zone. The world outside might be tantalizing and seductive, but, ultimately, it can't give us what our comfort zone offers. In addition, moving to a new place means the need to adapt. Adapting needs a great effort and time. And if we couldn't adapt to the change, negative emotions will conquer us.

However, of course there are good points of staying elsewhere. We get new experience which is essential to our future. We get to see and meet people of different types, and polish up our soft skills when we actually interact with strangers, and slowly become acquaintance, and ultimately, friends.

Well, that's life after-all.

Living in this world...

2010-05-20T08:26:00.004+08:00

Living in this world means dealing and facing all kinds of challenges and adversities. How can we, as human being who are fragile yet resilient, survive? This really depends on our ability to ADAPT!

Let's figure this out. Let's categorize things out. We have the outside elements those are influencing us, as well as we ourselves who are being influenced. Among these two elements, which do you think we can take control of? Of course, it's our own entity who are being influenced. Rarely, we can control the outside elements those are influencing us, because it's something done by somebody else, or it's something that happens naturally. Hence, mostly, we can ADJUST our mindset to ACCEPT what is happening around us.

However, do you think we can control ourselves all the times? Certainly not! When the outside elements hit your soft spot, I think anybody will feel hurt and devastated, regardless the gender or position. Well, what should we do to overcome this? Again, this involves our MATURITY in handling things. And, EXPERIENCE helps in this matter. Once we have the knowledge to handle things, we might most probably able to handle things well. In short, we need to be FLEXIBLE in order to live well.

Finally, if we can be resilient in dealing with challenges and be fragile in facing happiness, we can live well.

Settling down

2010-05-02T18:34:00.001+08:00

At his point of time, i really wish that I am independent enough to live on my own. I do not want to depend on my family anymore. I just can't wait to settle down.

home

2010-04-30T10:01:00.002+08:00

When you have comfortably settled down at a place, especially your home, you would not like to take a leave to anywhere! Even if you are invited to go somewhere, you would feel reluctant. Yes! You might feel tempted when you browse through the exciting and breath-taking scenes promoted either by your friends or on the net. But, at the end of the day, you would feel it's the best to stay at home, the zone of comfort, enjoying all the freedom and security and delicacies without having to spend a large sum of money.

However, you can achieve this ultimate comfort when there is no negative element at home. For example, you would not like to stay at home when your siblings are always quarreling over matters, and your dogs always bark at the backyard. In short, when the peacefulness of your home is threatened, it's very unlikely that you can live comfortably at home.

'Magic' versus shit

2010-04-28T14:48:00.002+08:00

I really hate those who like to manipulate people's superstitious way of thinking! They earn money on 'soul-calling' and 'soul-calming!! To hell with that!! Yes, I would respect you if you don't involve my family members. I don't care if you cheat the others money but no my family!! These people, go and F*&%$ yourselves!!

If we have something that we would like to share with, do share with our rational and mature friends to rationalize things out, but not to look for those who practise whatever 'magic' that they claim!!

Reminiscing the Past Part 3: Eating Kajang famous Satay

2010-04-27T08:58:00.008+08:00

Looking around for delicacies and great eating outlets has been my favourite leisure time activity. Kajang's Haji Samuri satay has caught my attention and casts its magic on me. I have always been there for satay with my friends. As the people say, 'good food, good companion,' it's good to enjoy delicious food with friends. It doubles the joy.

It's a bonus that the location of Haji Samuri is just nearby UKM. It's just a few minutes ride. Furthermore, I had my own transportation at that time. Therefore, going there was not a problem.

Moreover, the price of the satay is affordable too. If I am not mistaken, it is sold at 60 cent each. Hence, I would say it's worth eating, due to the delicious and juicy and fleshy texture and taste.

Here are some pictures taken during last year's class gathering.

Reminiscing the Past Part 2: Swimming

2010-04-14T20:22:00.002+08:00

I went swimming at Danau yesterday. This is significant to me because it's one of the physical exercise that I did here. This activity is the sequel to 'swimming classes' that I had in Kuching. My coach is Dylan Lau. He thought me how to swim from the very beginning. I learned this with Jimmy Ting. Therefore, I would say that this is an activity that joint three of us together and made us flock together.

I like swimming because I like to play with water. When I look at the surface of water at the pool, it will calm my mind down and make me reflect on whatever that bothers me. Also, when I am facing the crystal clear blue sky, it makes me feel so small and tiny. At this very moment, I feel like anything happening on me is a small part and parcel i my life. There are lots more people who are experiencing the worse things. Therefore, I would easily find solutions and comforts to cure my inner wound.

I do think that I will continue swimming, if I had the chance, for its numerous benefits.

Reminiscing the past PART 1: De Palma Cafe and McDonald's

2010-04-13T19:07:00.003+08:00

Last night, I went to have dinner with my buddy, Walter Umpang Moses at De Palma Cafe, Bangi branch. We had our meal for twice, I think, at that food outlet.

It is significant because this eating avenue was found interesting, both positively and negatively. It offers buffet at the price of RM20++. Seemingly, the buffet was tantalizing. However, the taste and the choice of food were disappointing. This is what I mean by negatively interesting.

However, the ala carte menus there are mouth-watering. The price is affordable, but not compared to mamak stall. We had Nasi Goreng, Club House (sandwiches), hot coffee and cucumber juice. It was a great dining experience.

After that, we revised at McDonald's at PKNS Bangi. This is another significant part of my life here because I prefer to revise at noisy places such as McDonald's. Therefore, when examination season is approaching, I would go to this place to do my revision. Walter and Jimmy had been my study buddy at McDonald's. Thanks for being great study buddies, dudes. =)

So, this is the first part of this section. Till then, stay tuned for the next part, hopefully, with some pictures and illustrations.

Reminiscing the past: Prelude

2010-04-13T19:01:00.002+08:00

I am going to share whatever significant that I will do within this week to reminisce what I had always been doing when I was in the university in this "Reminiscing the Past" section. So, stay tuned.

Channel

2010-04-11T21:03:00.001+08:00

We undergo different emotions and get various reflections everyday as we face unique encounters daily. Typically, we get feelings and insights after facing all these incidents. It is important to share and to channel our emotions, reflections and feelings. This is to release our thoughts and opinions so that we would not go insane once the unvoiced is piling up. Also, the publishing will make our friends to experience and contribute to either comfort us or just to enrich and widen their sight.

I always channel my thoughts through Facebook status update. People get to comment and share what they have in mind with me. This really works. After reading their comments, I will feel much better (if I need comfort) and even much happier (if what I share is something happy). I feel owned and I know that there are many friends out there who are always there for me giving me support and care.

Also, I channel my thoughts through blogging. However, this method is less preferred because I like to post something lengthy on my blog. Therefore, it needs time and mental strength to produce a lengthy one and an entry that really describes my message. Though this means is less preferred, blogging comes into handy when I want to share something personal. This is primarily because I personally think that compared to Facebook, blogging gives me a more private space to share my personal matters. Only those few will be reading my entries. This makes me feel comfortable to share my personal matters in my blog.

In short, it does not matter how you channel you feelings. As long as it does not harm the others and cause inconvenience, it is a good way. And, do let go whatever feelings that you are experiencing. It is unhealthy to keep and pile them up.

Words for my little brother

2010-04-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

Please bear in mind that we are living in a realistic world. Every step of ours is observed and noticed. When YOU did not do something to earn your living at certain expected age, YOU would not get away so easily. People will be barking at YOU. YOU will not get any respect from the others as YOU are perceived as eating away the properties. People do this for reasons. Every bite of food requires a penny. Put aside your expensive luxuries, still, YOU need some money to survive. Hence, please find something to do, other than sitting at home, waiting to be fed, and depending on the family to survive.

Also, though YOU are the youngest, YOU have your responsibility in this place of sanctuary. It is extremely fine if YOU do not have interest in pursuing your study. However, YOU need to do something to make sure that YOU do not have to starve when YOU are LEFT alone. How much can your siblings help YOU? Each of every one of us has our own responsibility and living. Even if YOU have the gut and courage to ASK, we would have the sufficient amount to GIVE. YOU know very well that we are not from better off family. We have to stand on our own feet.

Looking at the current YOU reminded me to my condition last time. I still remember when I went away to pursue my study. I was in a total lost too at that time. It was my first time leaving the haven. I had to do all the chores and lived all by myself. I thought of gave up and just went back to my place of no others. However, I had gone through the transition successfully. I must thank those who helped me to adapt myself to the new environment (my sister, my former teachers and my family). Otherwise, I thought I would end up like YOU.

Having this experience makes me have the condition to lecture YOU. Each of us has different degree of dependency. I know that you, just like me, are a baby boy. Therefore, you would be experiencing difficulties in adapting to new changes. However, I believe that YOU can do it! YOU just need to put in more effort. Be bold, dude! Making friends (like what I have done and I think I have wonderful friends around me that make me feel like do not want to be apart with them forever) will surely help you to go through all this. And, have confidence in you. YOU have the ability to change. YOU DO!!

All the best, my little brother.

Forewords

2010-03-09T22:18:00.002+08:00

Forewords are really important! Before people, especially the leaders, giving their command or order to instruct people do work on something, it is important to establish a relax and anxiety-free working environment. This is to make sure that the subordinates can work in a conducive and productive ambiance.
To illustrate this, Mr A states all the expectations in a strict and serious manner before he allows his workers to start their work. It's good to state what you want your workers to accomplish by the end of the day. However, your workers would be working anxiously and fearfully. Sometimes, this anxiety will impede a good result.
On the other hand, Mr B shares what he expects with his friends in a more subtle way. This will instantly boost the subordinates to give him a helping hand to get things done. Always, things can be done better in this way.
So, it's your choice whether you want to be Mr A or Mr B.

Who are we to judge?

2010-03-01T12:28:00.004+08:00

What is your yardstick to decide what is good and what is bad? Who are we to decide one is good or bad? Can teachers and lecturers precisely evaluate and decide students' performance? Do teachers have the ultimate right to fail a student? How do you perceive those who always visits clubs and pubs?
Other than the acts that violate the clearly stated rules and regulations, it's really difficult to judge. Even there are clearly stated rules and regulations, there lawyers who will argue the worthiness of the rules and regulations. So, who has the ultimate power to judge? A question to be pondered upon.

A new perspective of CNY

2010-02-26T23:21:00.002+08:00

I had my advance Chap Goh Mei dinner today with my friends. This dinner actually marked the end of Chinese New Year. Without realizing it, time flies.
When I was young, I did feel like Chinese New Year was a great time for me. It gave me joy and pure fun. Other than collecting ang pao, the unity of my family brought me to the seventh heaven. Visiting relatives were like bonus for me. I did enjoy visiting relatives as they really like my companion. Enjoying delicious and seasonal food was another fantastic aspect of CNY.
However, as time goes by, and I grow older, CNY gives me another new perspective. It seems less thrilling as it was before. Receiving ang pao is like merely receiving cash or money, though the real meaning behind receiving ang pao is receiving the blessings from the elders. Visiting relatives are seemed boring nowadays. It is a tiring and mundane process instead of a fun one.
How I wish I can get the true meaning of CNY again.

The change

2009-11-13T14:37:00.003+08:00

I have just realised that everything has changed. I thought I can adapt myself to the changes. But, apparently, I could not at all. Inner part of me knows that things must evolve and changes must take place for her own betterment. However, I still appreciate and and make precious the valuable and enjoyable moment that we had together.

Is it really hard to accept changes? I thought I am flexible enough to see all the changes taken places. But, it is not as easy as I thought. The rosy expectations of mine had turned into something else, which I myself am not sure of the positivity of the current situation.

Well, we as human beings are too tiny to reject changes. So, what else can we do except allowing ourselves to be swallowed by the changes. Or, positively put, to adapt to the changes.

The Differences

2009-11-11T02:41:00.002+08:00

I live two completely different lives here (as in outside my home), and at home. I think these differences do not make me a bad guy. Let's see the arguments.

First of all, the most obvious gap is my dietary habit. Surprisingly, I have a more balanced and stable diet at home. At home, I eat appropriately and accordingly. I will take my breakfast in the morning, even if it is a light one. Then, it follows by a nutritious lunch. After that, I might be having hi-tea, depending on how heavy my lunch is. Last but not least, I take my dinner at 6 p.m.. Please note that I use the phrase "Last but not least." That means I have no supper at home. On the contrary, I seldom have my breakfast here (excluding events such as exams). This is because by the time I wake up, it is already lunch time. Usually, the first meal of the day would be at 1p.m. or so. This is what I call lunch. After that, I have my dinner at 8 or 9 p.m.. Then, I might be having supper at 1 or 2 a.m.. Wow! This is really a sharp contrast from the one at home.

Besides, my resting time here is indeed different too. Typically, I rest at 2 to 3 a.m.. Then, I wake up at 11a.m. or even 12 noon. At home, I go to bed at 10 to 11 p.m., and I wake up at 7 to 8 a.m.. There is hardly night lives at home.

Equally important, my social life here is different from my home too. I get to go out with my friends regularly here, whereas at home, I go out frequently with my family. There would be a rare occasion seeing me going out with my secondary school classmates. Perhaps, we did not keep in touch regularly and there is nothing to be discussed among us.

Shall I say these differences are detrimental to my life? I would say no. When the environment changes, of course, our lifestyle would change too. The matter here is that we must know our boundaries. Yes, you may stay up late at night outside, with the condition that you are not doing something illegal and harmful to yourself. We must always remember that we have our beloved family waiting for us at home. Therefore, we should try to live our life to the fullest and make good attempts to spice up our lives.

Angelic Devil

2009-11-10T13:16:00.004+08:00

My dear friend, he left you for good. You never know what is his real purpose and intention to get close to you. His intention might be a bad one. After he has obtained what he wants, you will be subsided into the trash bin. And, ultimately, who would get the deepest wound in heart? Is it his? Or is it yours? Figure it out yourself.
I don't blame you for that. Well, we are human beings. We have wishes. We all want to realize our dreams. We all use different ways to make sure that our dreams are realized. Just that, sometimes, the others might not agree with the way you are using. But, does that mean you can use the others, without taking into account of the others' feelings, to make sure that you get what you want?
You just appear to be too naive, innocent and angelic. You might have the quality which is parallel to you physiques. On the contrary, you might be an angelic devil too. Who knows? Only you yourself and your god knows.

Proud to be me

2009-10-24T15:32:00.003+08:00

Being a member of a middle-income family, I ought to learn things by my own. My parents are busy maintaining the family. They have been trying their best, I know, but due to their educational qualification and luck (though I perceive that as the minor factor), they could give the family the basic needs. Learning how to behave, learning how to live, learning how to take care of the others are not easy. I learn all those through imitation. My parents are my role models.
Actually, learning those by ourselves are better, and in fact, more practical than having somebody telling you that you should behave in such a manner and you should not do this and that. Sometimes, I thought that is the way my parents brought me up intentionally. They want me to learn things through experience. However, though this way of learning is more effective, it needs a doubled effort to do so. We really need to be critical and mature in our way of thinking.
Anyway, I am proud to be me. Thanks to my parents, for shaping me well.

人生如戏，戏如人生

2009-10-23T00:12:00.002+08:00

很久没有用华文来写文章了。这次就让我用华文来写吧。
所谓“人生如戏，戏如人生，”观众明知道戏剧里面所发生的都是导演及编剧组所构造的，但是为什么他们还是看到很入迷呢？难道导演及戏剧组真的有什么魔力让观众们定时的锁定在电视机面前吗？其实，我个人认为，电视剧里面的每一项情节和故事都是有可能在我们的日常生活中发生的。有些可能是每天都发生的，只是我们没有察觉及体验到。
这里所说到的重点是，观众们在欣赏机关看电视剧时，都必须报这一刻开放既有思维的心去分析及体验导演及戏剧组所要沟通的信息。这样观众们才不会浪费了他们宝贵的时间去看对他们本身没有意义的节目。一旦他们领悟到电视剧里面的信息，他们就不会浪费时间了。这才能达到看电视剧真正的意义。

Reflection after watching 'Tsunami"

2009-09-15T00:58:00.004+08:00

We always do not believe in things that are out of norms. We only believe them when things happened. Wouldn't it be too late already if we believed them when damages occur? Weird things happen. Open up our minds. Everything is possible.

As empty as a shell

2009-09-14T00:15:00.002+08:00

I am just like a shell, empty inside.
I fill the emptiness with material satisfaction.
Food, my desired gadgets and luxurious feelings.
Would that be sufficient to fill my emptiness?
I doubt.

3 options

2009-09-08T11:47:00.002+08:00

I was having a reflective mind just now. And, the following options in live came across my mind.

1. Looking forward and never look backward. When you choose this, you will keep on developing, in both aspects of good and bad. Since you did not stop and look backward, you wouldn't know whether you are developing positively or negatively. This is why history is very important. =)

2. Stop once in a while and look back what has actually happened. Well, this mode would give you a slower development. Since you always being reflective on what you have done, you might need a longer period of time to withdraw yourself from the past and move forward. But, this mode is always a good one for me. Through my own experience, I always spend a long time to reflect on what I have been going through. And, I can't move on as long as I am reflecting. Well, I can actually, but, it would just be my physical entity that is moving on, whereas my mind is still get hooked in the past.

3. Trapped in the past. This option is a bit similar to the second option. When somebody is reflecting too long before moving on, he might have the tendency to be trapped in the past. Those who have chosen this will never move on. They will keep on grumbling and complaining why they have been treated in such a way. These people will never succeed in their lives.

So, which one would you choose?

I can't stand it anymore

2009-09-08T00:26:00.002+08:00

I can't stand it anymore.
He laughs in front of his laptop all by himself.
He screams suddenly in front of his laptop.
He smiles blankly looking at the chemistry book.
He giggles and speaks to himself in the bath room.
He has all the characteristics of a unhygienic person.
He has the tidiest arrangements of his belongings.
I can't bear it anymore.
But what can I do?
He is too old to be given advice.
I can't stand it anymore.

Have you ever?

2009-09-06T00:14:00.003+08:00

Have you ever felt like a zombie?
Where you do not know what you want exactly.
Where you will grab anything when you are walking in a hypermarket and pay it at the counter.
Where you eat but do not know what is the taste of the food like.
Where you have no expression when you are watching something funny.
Where you are merely faking yourself in front of your friends.
Where you just nod your head when your friends are talking to you.
Have you?

The importance of the first step

2009-09-03T19:33:00.002+08:00

When I was walking back from the stadium just now, I realized that I was stepping on the tiles that have similar pattern. If I wanted to step on the tiles that are of different patterns, I needed to make my widen my pace or make it narrower. Hence, there are two things that come into my mind.
The first thing is that we must be very careful in making our first step. We must make sure that our initiation is a correct one. Once that is determined, our route would be easy. On the other hand, if we had made a wrong choice at the beginning, it would be difficult for us to get back on track, though it's possible.
The second thing is that we must be alert with our progress. When I was walking just now, I got distracted with the tiles of different patterns. Therefore, I stepped on the different tiles. Analogically, when we are doing something, we will get distracted sometimes. Hence, we must be aware of our own pace and concentrate on what we are doing. As a result, we will get a fruitful ending or outcome.

Expectations

2009-09-03T00:17:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. It would be good if I could update it everyday. Well, I will try to.
What is my topic for today? Let's talk about expectations. You know what, I have this kind of good and obedient image in my family. I am perceived as good and obedient by my family members, be it close ones or the extended ones. Since I have this kind of image, there are lots of things that I should not be doing. People will start questioning me if I didn't get a good result in a examination. People will start saying "What is wrong with you?" if I got my ear pierced.
Having this kind of 'good-boy' image has its pros and cons. Let's talk about the pros first. First of all, you will get people to love you and care about you. You will be like a treasure at home instead of a burden. People will give you food and money frequently. Then, people will feel proud of you. They will complement you in the public. And, of course, you yourself will feel good about it. And this will boost up your self-confidence, self-efficacy and all the self's.
On the other hand, when you are a good fellow, you should not even think of doing certain things which go against the norms. Of course, we should not be doing such things. But, you know, as a teenager and a young adult, there are many distractions out there. And teenagers and young adults are curious and have been always wanting to try new things. However, you should not be doing things that are perceived bad because you would like to maintain the good image of yours.
So, this is one of the major sacrifices that you have to make.
Alright, that is it for today. Let's continue in the following entry. Thanks for reading.

Distractions

2009-08-25T00:24:00.002+08:00

How would you perceive distractions?
Distractions really denote negative associations to me. When I have set my goal, of course, I would like to achieve my goal. However, these distractions, which come in many forms, would try their best to fail my effort to accomplish something. Gosh! How could I eliminate all these distractions?
After analyzing the distractions, I realize that they come in two primary forms. One of those is material distraction. This distraction, I believe, is the one that bothers the majority. Human beings like to enjoy and indulge ourselves in the things that make us feel good. Ultimately, this will make our wallet gets thinner and the amount in our account gets lesser.
Then, food can be our distraction as well. What is the primary function of food? I believe, food gives us energy and necessary vitamin and minerals. However, food, if taken excessively, would make us turn out to be something else. Obesity is one of the consequence.
How can I remove these two distractions so that I can achieve my goal? Only He knows.

My Salad Days

2009-07-31T18:35:00.003+08:00

When I was taking my bath just now, I reflected how I am blessed with such a wonderful family. Unlike my elder brother and sister, I did not have to do household chores at all. I did not have to help my parents for the pepper field. Though I was still young at that point of time (when my family was managing pepper and cocoa farm), I would have to work at the farm if my parents insisted to (like any other parents in the same setting).
My parents tell me that the only thing that I should do is to study. I feel so sorry for them that they need to pay extra attention on me due to my weak physic when I was a child. They needed to sent me over to Sibu Hospital every week to get my cough healed. According to the doctor, I might get asthma if the coughing was not cured. Therefore, my father needed to apply leave every Tuesday, if I was not mistaken, just to send me to the hospital.
And, I was scared to go to school. Whenever I was sent to school, I would scream and cry and crawl as a sign of protest. I just did not know why I behaved like that. My family must feel ashamed for that. But, I did not get lesser love and care from them, despite my weird and annoying behaviour.
Later when I was at the secondary school, I was poor in certain subjects such as Mathematics. I felt bad about it. I wrote to my sister who was studying at UPM at that time. I told her that I felt intimidated that I did not get good results for my Mathematics. Upon receiving the letter, she arranged one of her friends who was teaching in Sarikei to give me tuition. She settled the tuition fees for me too. I was touched. I appreciated it and I felt like I owed her. I am really glad that I have such a considerate and lovable sister.
I would like to give credit for each one of my family members. You make my life complete and you are the only thing that is worth embracing, if I were to choose one only. Thank you, my family.

A bit of reflection after 8 weeks of teaching practice

2009-07-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

We met as strangers.
You know my name but I didn't know yours.
As time went by,
we get to know each other better before we say goodbye.
You may appear mischievous,
but I know you just want to be marvelous.
You nodded when I taught,
I nodded too when you uttered your thought.
You reminded me to my schooling days,
which had passed like rays.
I taught you through my experience,
hope that would make sense.
I wish you all the best,
be the best,
because we are the best.
(I would like to acknowledge the principal of SMTKJ as for the last 3 line.)

The turning point

2009-05-17T19:18:00.003+08:00

We always want to pursue something that we ourselves perceive as good, nice and presentable. In the midst of pursuing, it is inevitable that we shall feel lethargic, tired and exhausted. This is the point of time when we shall doubt whether we should really stop and give up.

In actual fact, the thing that we are pursuing, of course, is something that worth-pursuing. I believe most human beings are very good in our judgment (of course there are exceptional cases.) Therefore, it is not a wise decision to stop and give up. Instead, we should take a break and rest before we further pursue the target. Resting and taking a break does not mean that we abandon the goal and look for another new goal. It means putting it aside, and refresh our mind, and come back to it when we have a fresh and clear mind. At this time, we shall, hopefully, have a new perspective and view on how to work on the goal.

I have been experiencing lethargy and exhaustion recently. Hopefully, I can get back on track and fulfill what I have been discussing in this entry.

Another perspective of live

2009-04-25T00:15:00.003+08:00

Let me begin with this entry by asking you a question. How would you react or deal with the elements or the things that you fear or those which are sensitive to you? I believe most of you, including me, will try inside out to avoid to face them. Am I right? But, are you sure that is the correct way to deal with it? Sometimes, yes. Leave alone the general political sensitive issues such as racial and political perspectives. I am referring to those which you personally feel awkward with. For example, you are quarreling with your spouse. Would you avoid him or her or would you rather talk face to face to sort it out? When you feel bad about your friends, would you talk to his face? When you farted in the train, would you admit it? When you accidentally know that your friends have a misunderstanding about you, would you approach your friend to clarify?

If you avoided those issues and preferred not to discuss such so-called sensitive issue, indeed, this will lead to a miserable and unbearable life. Therefore, my personal principal is that "When you like that something, keep liking it; when you fear that something, overcome it." As long as you encounter things that impede you to have a happy life, sort it out. Don't drag it until it becomes an obstacle for you to obtain a happy life.

Of course, having the ability to do this is not as easy. We need to be wise and resourceful. We might need our close friends' opinions or even the professional views from the experts. Since that is our personal problems, we are responsible to solve it. For sure, our close friends would be happy to lend a helping hand. In addition, while helping us, our friends would gain experience in handling such problems for the future use.

Let me stop making this entry lengthy. So, the extract of this entry would be :If you liked that something, keep liking it; if you feared that something, overcome it. Ultimately, you are immune to anything!

I want it back

2009-04-15T14:03:00.002+08:00

I have been very reflective recently. The memory brings me to the seventh heaven. I am thrilled with those pleasant and joyful moments. However, these precious and priceless memories make my heart bleeds as well. I wonder why I cannot have those moments again. Is it because of the green-eyed monsters that are trying hard to keep us apart? Or is it that you do not want to invest anything in the relationship? I wonder.

If it was really the tricks of the green-eyed monsters, then, why can't you do something to free yourself from the trap? Or is it you enjoy been trapped? Don't you, as well, appreciate those moments? Don't you wanna have them back as well?

Dear God, if you knew how I wanted it back, and I believe that You do, give me back my valuable stuff (though it's too much a word to name after the thing that I have lost).

The Dark Corner

2009-04-03T20:04:00.003+08:00

Suddenly, I feel like nobody understands me.
I am sitting at a dark corner.
Nobody can reach me.
Not even my parents, my family.
What to say my friends?
This is the saddest thing in the world...
Damn...
When will this over?
When can I get somebody to know what is in my mind?
Who can read my mind?
I doubt there is that somebody.

Happiness

2009-03-19T01:37:00.002+08:00

Happiness is the cure for everything.
Happiness cures sadness.
Happiness cures stress.
Happiness cures anger.
Happiness enlightens every aspect of your life.

Quotes from Forensic Heroes II

2009-03-11T11:52:00.001+08:00

1. "Give more, expect less."
2. "Don't cry over what you have lost, but smile over what you had had."

once...

2009-03-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

I once adored you so much
Until I cried when you cried
Until I smiled when you smiled
I liked you personalities,
both good and bad.
I embrace your kindness and generosity
I accept your flaws.

Though you adore that somebody,
Until you lose your sense of self.

I now despise you so much
Until I laugh when you cry
Until I cry when you smile
I hate your personalities,
both good and bad.
I hate your kindness and generosity
I love your flaws.

What have happened,
Until this change takes place?

A=A, A≠B

2009-03-04T14:35:00.002+08:00

Make sure that you reflect on your own attitude before accusing the others of neglecting you.

The 'R' Concept

2009-02-16T23:24:00.002+08:00

Take a look at the figure on the right.

Consider the following issues.
1. In a day, how long will you be happy and vice versa?

2. What would be the 'x' factor for you?

3. What would be the 'y' factor for you?

4. Can you decide the duration that you want to stay at 'happy' stage and vice versa?

This would be my answer.
1. Of course, I want to be happy all the times; but, it would not be possible if we hold pessimistic perspective of viewing things. However, there are those gloomy moments and discouraged times. So, it is part and parcel of life. Don't take it too hard.

2. Well, those elements that can make me turn gloomy are financial aspects, relations with people and of course, assignments.

3. The 'y' factors would be my family, my friends and actually, all the 'x' factors are my 'y' factors if they were all positive.

4. As for me, I will make attempts to keep myself as happy as I could. Nobody wants to be sad. So do I.

Anticipation

2009-02-12T05:41:00.003+08:00

Typically, after we have planned to do something, we shall feel excited and anticipated. Our mindset and direction are very much diverted to that plan. This is one of the joy in the process of getting that thing done.

When we are carrying out the event, we ought to be positive and get involved totally so that we can enjoy to the fullest. On the other hand, we should not grumble and complain on the negative sides of the event. We should be aware of the fact that there are always two sides of a coin.

After the event has been carried out, we should do reflection on the event. Whether we gain more profit or the event has brought more negative effects are the issue that need to be considered. This serves as the yardstick whether the event should be continued or to be terminated. And, of course, the anticipation that we had before this would reduce drastically as the event had passed.

the **** poem

2009-02-10T19:48:00.006+08:00

For value I am of use;
Unaccommodating, unappreciative and all the un's
Can kill me after I am being used
Knights cannot accommodate that they are being used,

Yet they did not say anything
Or even a grumble;
Unlike me, I complain via blog.

Necessities versus Luxuries

2009-02-09T19:40:00.002+08:00

More often than not, we will confuse between what we need and what we want. Certain aspects are just too difficult to be categorized as a necessity or a luxury.

Basically, we need certain things to make sure that we survive and we want something to make our life easier and more comfortable. Different people need different things. A need might be a luxury for certain people.

As for me, when that something is affecting my life, be it physically or emotionally, it is a necessity. If that something crippled me from having a happy period, I would say that is a necessity that I must own. If that something disturbed me emotionally, which made me keep thinking of having it, I would say that is a necessity as well.

Indeed, this perspective of whether a particular thing is a necessity or a luxury really differs from individuals. So, the above opinion is just for reference and sharing. :-)

10-year time

2009-02-08T13:06:00.004+08:00

Recently, I watched Westlife 10th year anniversary concert held at Croke Park. Yeah, 10 years had passed. Westlife published their very first album when I was in Form 1 or so. They had gone through 10 years successfully, of course, with ups and downs. So do I.

What can a 10-year time bring? How many changes that took place in me? Those memories should be kept or deleted? I wonder.

I reflect back. I really appreciate those who have been sincere to me as my friends and those who have been hypocrite will never get the true and genuine friendship / relationship.

Other than friendship, I reflect on my personal attitude. I was a rebellious and playful kid when I was in primary and lower secondary years. Who am I now? Have I changed in terms of attitude and my perspective in life? I am sure that I do. But, to what extent have I changed?

In terms of study, I was lazy in my primary and my lower secondary years. After lectured by my family members, especially my sister and mom, I became a bit diligent and achieved a considerably flying-color result. Thanks for the advice. Now, have I kept the diligence or have I turned back to basis?

One of the positive changes that take place in me is that I value my family more than I did before. I appreciate and enjoy all the times with my family members. I start to be aware of the true meaning of being a family.

Hopefully, positive changes keep taking place in me and I could be a nearly perfect person.

The Eighth Day of CNY

2009-02-02T12:34:00.002+08:00

Believe it or not, but this was what happened on the eighth day of CNY.

My parents intended to drive me to Sibu Airport this morning. My flight was at 7A.M., heading for Kuching, then transited to KL. It was a fine journey along the way from Sarikei to Sibu. Thing went exactly the contrary when we were approaching Sing Kwong supermarket. The road was flooded. My dad thought the water level was fine to 'swim through.'

Unfortunately, the water level was so deep that our car was caught in the flood. The car engine was wet and my dad had failed to on the engine. We were caught in the water. The water was filling in the car and the seats were all wet. We had to take off our shoes and pull up our tracks and jeans to go out from the car. The car was literally floating on the water. I was so worried that the car would float away as when the pick-ups such as Hilux 'swimmed' besides our car, the car was really floating like a boat.

I was really panic and my mind was blank. Suddenly. God reminded me of Walter, who was on the same flight with me. After browsing through my phonebook, I lost his home telephone number as my phone was stolen last time. Then, I called Jimmy to ask for the number. Fortunately, he had it. After thinking twice, Walter was not using a Hilux. I was afraid that he would get trapped in the flood as well. So, I dropped the option.

We had no other options but to call those who has a Hilux or a pick-up. The first person that came across my mind was my brother-in-law. I called my sister. There was nobody answering the phone. Okay... Second trial... Third trial... Finally, my sister picked up the phone. Thank God.

I told her our location. She said that my brother-in-law would be rescuing us. She could not come along because my nieces needed companion.

As we were waiting, there were many people stopping by, wondering whether they could 'swim' through. There was one fellow, who was going to the airport as well, kindly asked me whether I wanted to go with him. Thank you for your kindness, Mr Unknown. Guess what! I refused to follow him. What was in my mind was that I was worried about my parents. I could not just let them caught in the flood.

After I told my parents the good intention of the driver just now, I was having a good scold from my parents. They said I would have followed them to the airport because it was 5 something in the morning already and my brother-in-law was still searching his way to rescue us.

Finally, the hero (my brother-in-law) arrived. Immediately, he sent me to the airport. He bought me breakfast as well. It was so thoughtful of him. I really appreciate that.

After I reached KL, I was still very worried about my parents. I phoned them several times. Thank God that they informed the tucking company and the car was tucked to the workshop and got repaired. My dad spent RM200 for that.

I feel so guilty because it happened because they were sending me to the airport. I feel guilty because they were shocked and stunned by the incident. However, my youngest aunt told me that not to feel so because it was not my fault at all. That really helped. Who knows the flood was so serious that it made all the Vivas, Myvis and Kancils into boats?!!

I wanna thank the following people for their help in today's incident:
- My parents (for the good and kind intention to send me to the airport and taking the risk to swim through the dangerous water)
- My sister and my brother-in-law (for sending me to the airport)
- My aunts (for consoling and comforting me after the incident)
- Walter and his family (for attempting to rescue me from the flood)
- Jimmy (for willing to accept my call at 5A.M..)
- Last but equally important, thank God for keeping me calm and making me arrived KL and UKM safe and sound. You are al-mighty.)

Being optimistic = peace!!!

2009-01-20T15:49:00.002+08:00

I have been thinking of why there are conflicts and quarrels in this world. Finally, I have come to a considerably reasonable and sensible answer.

The first point that come across my mind is the diverse way of thinking that every human being has. Human beings think really differently. Just by looking at a picture, for instance, human being could have different, and I really mean different, judgments, interpretation and opinions. As the saying goes, 'one's meat is another's poison,' one's interpretation on a subject is really unique and diverse. This diversity, if not handled well, would certainly lead to conflict.

Let's illustrate this with another example. Our mothers always have the good intentions when they warn or ask or advise us to be more careful in certain things. Their intentions are indeed pure and kind. However, often, the receivers of the message would find those advises irritating and drowning. They are just being caring and concern yet the receivers might find it pushy and urging. This would ultimately lead to conflict and spoil a intimate and loving relationship.

How can we overcome such horrible situation? Well, we have to be very positive in viewing things. Well, some critics might find it overly optimistic. However, this is the only way to keep everything fine. It is advisable to take the good intention of the others into account all the time. We should turn anything negative into positive to guarantee ourselves a balanced and harmonious life, at the same time, keep a healthy, close and intimate relationship with the others. Via this method, we shall have a wider range of social circle and it's easier to keep everything in order.

Hopefully, I myself will anchor myself to this way of thinking and attitude, or if I had started it, maintain to this principle and get better in this.

Loved, Love

2009-01-18T23:28:00.002+08:00

I loved this thing,
I was willing to sacrifice anything
to make sure that I got a piece of that thing.
I didn't know the passion for that thing lost
so fast that my heart froze
and not willing to love.

I love this another thing,
I am willing to sacrifice anything
to make sure that I get a piece of that thing.
I hope the passion for that thing lasts
as long as my lust
and willing to continue loving.

Is it worth the price??

2009-01-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

At times, we would reflect back whether that something we have done is worthwhile. And, unfortunately, you would find that there are certain things and decisions that you made are indeed stupid and childish and not worthwhile at all. The thing is, how do we know that we have made a wrong move? We are able to do so because we have gone through certain things, and we are growing more mature.

Up to this stage, we might think that we are well-equipped with experience and knowledge to survive in this realistic world. However, there will be questions of whether we should grieve over the dark and sad experience that we have had before. If we deleted such experience, of course, we would feel much better and happier. But, deleting memory is not an easy task. There will be also people arguing over the importance of those experience as the foundation of who we are today. People might be caught in limbo at this stage. Certain things are just too difficult to be set. It is difficult to persuade oneself to stand still at one principle (which Morrie, a favorite lecturer of Mitch Albom in Tuesdays with Morrie, refers to as tension of the opposite.)

Therefore, the essence of a happy life should be the following:
- whatever the principle that one holds in his life, one should prioritize his happiness, as well as the well being of the others;
- grieving over one's past is useless (besides the lessons and experience given from the past events);
- there is no fixed way or theory to live happily. We must always be flexible and willing to change in order to suit our ever-changing life.

Tuesdays with Morrie -Part 2-

2009-01-16T18:33:00.002+08:00

"Whenever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it. 'Guess what I got? Guess what I got?' - Is life all about the material aspects and external happiness? Are you sure that those things would give you ultimate happiness and satisfaction? This is something that we, including I myself, need to ponder about all the times.

"Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness." - Money is important in our lives, but, it is just a tool, something that we use to exchange things with the others. It is not the most important aspect. The most obvious piece of evidence, moderate family could possibly lives happier than the rich ones.

There are many interesting quotes in Tuesdays with Morrie. Get the benefits by reading the book, and you would get a new perspective in viewing things and life.

-End-

Interesting quotes in Tuesdays with Morrie -Part I-

2009-01-11T19:50:00.002+08:00

I had read through half of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is an interesting book. I find the following quotes are indeed captivating.

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when the are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."- which i think is very true. If we are chasing the wrong things in life, we will end up having nothing in our lives after tonnes of effort had been poured out.

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture does not work, do not buy it."-this is another strong point here. We always tend to follow whatever that the majority is doing, without rationalize the objective behind. We have to be brave to say "NO" to things that we are against with but not following those wrong concepts blindly.

To be continued...

New Year

2009-01-04T18:13:00.002+08:00

Everybody wants a new good start and prosperous new beginning in this brand new year. The same goes to me. Though my zodiac, which is ox, forecasts that it would be a less fortune year compared to the previous year for me, I believe that I can live my life well and even better than the previous years.

I believe that it depends on how the way we want our life to be, rather than believing in what the zodiac says. We should not be influenced by the negative assumptions made. If we are influenced, the possibility of the forecast becomes truth is indeed high.

Finally, I wish everybody happy new year and have a fantastic new year. =)

Why are our family members so special to us?

2008-12-09T21:00:00.004+08:00

Very often, we do not want to have close attachment with people because the closer we are, the harder we stay apart from them. However, things would not be the same when it comes to family members. Very naturally, we would feel worried and concern about our family members.

Family members are the ones those are the closest to us. I would say it is very necessary to show affection among the family members. This would be the foundation and the base in showing affection and thus, building a strong and good bond with the outsiders or acquaintance or friends.

Family members would be the group of people that makes us anxious about their updates, worried about the well-beings, happy with their achievements and sad with their sadness. Thus, it would be nearly impossible to let go, I mean both physically and mentally about their updates and well-beings. That makes this group of people so special to us.

What Will Matter

2008-12-06T09:48:00.003+08:00

What will matter is not what you bought,
but what you built
Not what you got, but what you gave
What will matter is not your success,
but your significance
What will matter is not what you learned
but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity,
compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched,
empowered or encouraged others
to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence
but your character
What will matter is not how many people you knew
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you are gone.
What will matter is not your memories
but the memories that live on in those who loved you!
What will matter is how long you will be remembered,
by whom, and for what.
Living a life that matters does not happen by accident!
It is not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
(from Michael Josephson: Character Counts)

Teacher vs professional badminton player

2008-11-26T21:28:00.004+08:00

"One can be a professional player in a particular field if he was well-trained."
Is this true? Let's take an example. Can a teacher be a professional badminton player? Professional player here means the player that competes in the different level of competition, be it state level or national level or international level.

The point here is that can the teacher cope well with the time management and the strength that is required in both fields? A teacher needs to devote most of his time to his work. The same goes to the professional badminton player. So, is it solely the matter of training?

The Irony

2008-11-26T21:16:00.002+08:00

Most of the demonstrators claimed that they wanted the government to be ruled in their way. The essential part is that they want to be patriotic. When they are asked on the root cause of their demonstrations, the answer would most probably be their patriotism.

However, they never thought of the effect from their demonstrations. Let's take the negative effects on the tourism. Tourists would be disappointed and hardly convinced to step into the country concerned. The following effect would be the deterioration of the economic prospect of the country. Is this the effect that the demonstrators want? What has their patriotism brought into the growth of the country?

It is not wrong to have different opinion on the ruling system that governs a country. However, it turns negative when the thoughts and opinions are not channeled properly and via the correct procedures. This differences would do good if they were analyzed collaboratively and properly with the authority. On the other hand, the authority plays a vital role in putting those good points and opinion into some sort of national planning and considerations.

In a nutshell, a country belongs to all the citizens in the country. Since people, typically, have different opinion on how should an ideal government be, tolerance and harmony play essential part in the well growth of the country.

Hope

2008-11-25T21:07:00.002+08:00

Thank God, my brother is offered to join Business Admin course at Matang Polytechnic. I really hope that he can cope well with both the new environment and the study. Actually I have no worries about his ability to cope well with the study. It's just that he lacks of confidence, and that is of acute level. I have no idea on how to help him in building those confidence. I had adviced him by all means already, but, it doesn't work. Hopefully, this time, he will realise how important the element of confidence in building his own positive image.

Besides, I seriously hope that my results for the semester that just slipped by would be a flying color ones, especially my Selected Literary Works... =]

2 things that I could not comprehend today.

2008-11-23T20:56:00.002+08:00

The following are the two things that I could not comprehend today.
1. I heard there are cases where the JPJ officers issued summons for those who did not wash their cars. This is nonsense! What is it fucking to do with them for not washing cars!!!
2. I really could not figure it out why there are some people who are not at all concerned about their own future. They just do not care about what are they going to do next. I wanna help but I had gone haywire.

Time flies...

2008-11-19T23:07:00.002+08:00

Time really flies. I still remember of the first day I stepped in UKM. It's such as a big place! It really requires strength and determination to adapt to the new environment. However, I did it (though I prefer Sarawak better.)
Reflect back, I didn't have much changes. After completing piles of assignments, then exams came. That is the life of a student. Hopefully I would get good grades for all the subjects. And, I hope that I could do better in the coming semesters.
I have a little wish here. Hopefully, I would be more ready to face the coming semester, ready in terms of my mind to receive new knowledge and be more diligent.

Nightlife

2008-11-17T02:33:00.002+08:00

What would you think of nightlife? Something positive or something negative?
Of course, going out at night and having pure fun is indeed relaxing and enjoyable.
What about the negative sides of it?
Anyway, I enjoy having nightlife once in a while. =)

Mood swing

2008-11-16T19:56:00.002+08:00

What would you react to somebody who is mood swing?
A. Ignore him
B. Talk to him to his face
C. Say "Fuck you" to him
D. None of the above

If you chose D, please state the reason and why would you do so?

Emotions

2008-11-14T23:38:00.003+08:00

More often than not, we shall be affected by our emotions. If we were happy, of course we shall show it without hiding it. It's just something that is uncontrollable. We shall jump and shout and laugh and hug each other like crazy.

However, if we were negatively emotional, what should we do? Put everything on the face until the people who are in good mood turn sad as well? In fact, we understand that it is inevitable that people are feeling down sometimes. It's not wrong to express your sorrow and sadness. However, we should not let the sorrow and sadness empower us for a long time. That would be very annoying. Our friends, of course, would try their best to comfort us. But, let's put ourselves in our friends' shoes. After they have comforted us with different ideas and effort, we are still facing them with our sour face. What would our friends feel?

Of course, sometimes, it's not easy to climb back to the peak of the mountain after you had fallen into the deep valley. However, at least, we should respond to our friends, if not sincerely, to show their importance to us. (This is not particularly address to anybody. This is merely my observation at the cafe tonight. So, don't get me wrong.)

Balance

2008-11-14T18:19:00.002+08:00

I am aware that blogs or more precisely, words can be interpreted differently. However, I hope that would not happen to me as a blogger and the readers of my blog. Please consider the following statements and let's be open about this.
1. I am writing entries in this blog just for the purpose of channeling and outlet my emotions. Nothing more than that. No personal attack, no curry flavoring and no nothing.
2. I want the readers of my blog understand and know me better. Therefore, I don't want to see the reverse effect caused by the entries.
3. Seriously, I welcome whoever who wants to respond to my entries, but, please let me know you are responding to my entries.
4. I am not a maniac who wants to fight and to have war or something like that. So, i want to be friend with everybody, if possible.
5. I need my friends to survive. I am not as independent as I portray (if you thought I am independent.)
With that, hopefully, I, as a blogger, and you, as the readers, can strike a balance between the discreetness of my entries and the room of interpretation of the readers. Thank you.

Take me away [from this unpeaceful place]

2008-11-09T23:16:00.003+08:00

带我走到遥远的以后
带走我一个人自转的寂寞
带我走就算我的爱你的自由
都将成为泡沫
我不怕带我走
[杨丞琳带我走]

Take me away
to the far future
Take the loneliness away from me
Take me away
even though my love and your freedom
Would turn into fragile bubbles
It doesn't matter
Take me away.
[Adapted from a song by Rainie Yang]

Unbearable pressure

2008-11-05T20:55:00.002+08:00

When you are doing something, you will put in your best effort and get it done as perfect as possible. Then, the outcome is as expected.

However, there will always be a better ones as time goes by. Yours would be the less good one. What should you do? You need to put in double effort to produce a better one. If that was beyond your ability, what should you do? People would not stop comparing you and the others.

Since you were once the best, so people would expect that you will be more brilliant than the others. This invisible pressure is as unbearable.

Comparison

2008-11-02T13:14:00.003+08:00

Mr R has a cousin who is doing his masters now. He is a few months older than Mr R. Basically, they are at the same age. He is doing well. He is doing his masters while working with the university. Mr R is recently updated that he is paying the new car loan. Wow!! He is still studying yet he can afford to pay a loan for a brand new Toyota luxurious car! That's something which people would feel envy of. Moreover, people around them always compare Mr R with his cousin.

This bunch of people, including Mr R's parents, are hoping that Mr R can do the same thing. Mr R is intimidated and feel inferior. Mr R is a teacher-to-be. Of course, he can't have a salary of an engineer. And Mr R is studying under a scholarship and sponsorship from the Ministry of Education. He has to work for the government for at least 5 years.

Mr R is depressed and inferior now. He feels that his parents are no longer proud of him, because he can't do as what his parents expected.

I want...

2008-10-29T23:22:00.004+08:00

I would like to voice out everybody's voice from the bottom of their hearts.

I am just an ordinary people.
I want to be heard whenever I am talking.
I want to be loved by my family, friends and the ones that I care.
I need whatever that a human needs.
I don't want to cry.
I want to laugh.
I want to be happy all the time.
I want to be blessed.
I want everything that please me.
I don't want misfortunes to happen.
I want no conflicts among people.
I want peace.

Statements above show what a person wants. But, how many of us can get all these?

Exhausted or frustated?

2008-10-28T14:27:00.003+08:00

I don't want to support and pro anyone,
for there would always be a side who will feel offended.
I want to be neutral and stand on the fence,
for it would be the best for me.
I welcome those who really want to be close to me,
for I really need sincere and supportive friends.
I am tired of being supportive to any side, really,
for I am a nobody to give support.
I won't approach those who stay away from me anymore,
for I have done enough of that.
I don't want to crack my head and make people happy,
for I will get nothing and even hurt ultimately.
I want to be myself,
for I am me.

When you are not in the mainstream, then, you are ‘the others.’

2008-10-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

We always have the mindset that the mainstream is the yardstick or the epitome of the positive aspect or the right side. When people have that kind of mindset, everybody seems to follow blindly whatever that the majority does, regardless the appropriateness or the rational of the action. Consequently, when everybody does the same thing, then, that thing would automatically become the appropriate thing to be done.
The core of the issue here is that when you are thinking differently from the mainstream, would you still be treated equally and similarly by the majority? Definitely not! When you are different from the mainstream, you will be totally ignored by the majority. They would try, by all means, to exclude you from the community. That is when you will feel left out and disappointed. You feel such because you have been very dear to them and invest so much time and care and love that you feel your existence is very vital in their lives. Of course, it would be disheartening when you found out that all that were vain and useless.
Well, how would you face this problem of exclusion from the mainstream? The most essential matter here is that you have to be wise enough to say or to handle things. It is not that we just keep our opinions to ourselves. But, it is about how wisely we express our thoughts. We have to phrase our thoughts very carefully that it would not hurt the opposite side. If it was not working, then, you should try to exclude yourselves automatically from the mainstream, before they have the chance to do so. Then, you can form another mainstream. I am sure there would be people that have the same way of thinking and philosophy with you. As the saying goes “birds with the same feather flock together.” The same goes to human beings. If you were not meant to be somebody’s somebody, then, just let go, instead of feeling stupid and disappointed all the times.
Should we assimilate and adapt ourselves to the mainstream? It really depends on the situation. If the mainstream was right, then, you should correct your mindsets and join the mainstream. (However, sometimes we are just not that wise to notice that we are wrong.) However, as I have mentioned just now, the mainstream is not always correct. That is why we should really be critical in viewing things so that we would always be the correct ones.

Sense of belonging

2008-10-18T18:47:00.003+08:00

At times, we would feel that we are lacking of something. It's not something concrete yet it brings a great impact in your live. What is it so important that you would feel lost when that something is not with you? Exactly! The fact that you belong to somebody.

As in my case, I feel owned and secured as I have wonderful family around me. They are so supportive that I feel encouraged and zealed in whatever I am engaged and involved in. I love my family for that. Family would be my primary solace and comfort if I were dealing with problems.

Undeniably, friends, as well, give us the sense of belonging. When you are away from your family, of course, your family still provides you with support, love and care, but to certain extent, you need your friends to be with you to solve problems and to share joy with.

What is life?

2008-10-16T10:59:00.003+08:00

I dreamed of my late second uncle last night. He was still in healthy condition in the dream.
He was a pagan. He did not believe that spirits will ultimately go to either heaven or hell. Where would he go then? Where is his spirit now?
I heard from my family that my second aunt starts working now. I understand how she feels. She would rather working instead of staying alone in the house. Those heart-breaking memories would certainly kill her. What is her aim of living now? She depended totally on my second uncle before this. Their children are all grown-ups and live in different places. She is all by her own now.
What is life actually? Growing up, then working, then dying? Is that all about life?

Escapism

2008-10-15T08:02:00.004+08:00

I have been so busy since the raya break ended. Basically, I was doing my assignments and simulation for Persatuan Pelajar. I was really exhausted both physically and mentally. I reflected on it last night. Can I call that busy and tiring? I did my work by sitting cozily in front of the laptop, with the companion of my favourite songs. Compared to the farmers and the other blue-collar workers, they need to allocate more physical strength and power to do their work, whereas I just need to move my fingertips and a bit of my mental processing to get things done. How lucky I am.
p.s: Perhaps this is a sort of escapism to encourage myself to keep on doing my work.=)

2008-10-08T18:39:00.004+08:00

对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨

跌倒了就不敢继续往前走

为什么人要这么的脆弱堕落

请你打开电视看看

多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去

我们是不是该知足

珍惜一切就算没有拥有
[稻香]

If you grumbled too much
Then you would find it's hard to get up when you fall
Why people are so fragile
Please on the TV and watch
There are so many people are trying hard to survive
We should be appreciative
Be appreciative even you have nothing
[Adapted from a song by Jay Chow]

Money

2008-09-28T11:21:00.000+08:00

I sent my second uncle to the bank this morning. He mentioned that he is at the edge of death. He uttered something which is very reflective to me. “What is money to me now?” This is what he uttered when he transferred certain amount of money to my grandmother.
He said he rather wants his life to be prolonged than the amount of money. Upon listening to that, I cried. At the same time, I recalled a saying goes “Money is everything.” Is money everything? What can money do to a person that is at the edge of death?
If money can make one’s life immortal, then, it’s everything.

Home sweet home

2008-09-22T10:44:00.002+08:00

The journey of going back might be tiring and tedious (whereby I had to stay overnight at the airport and I did not get to sleep for the whole night), but it's worthwhile.
Upon arriving, I was welcomed by my mom, my sister and my nieces at the airport. Then, we had our breakfast. This is incredible. Then, my mom and I used bus to go back to Sarikei. Then, I drove back. Bear in mind that prior to this, I didn't sleep at all. So, it was quite a tiring day.
But home eased my tiredness. I am sure this would be a joyful holiday. Glad that i come back (prior to this, I didn't plan to go back since the ticket was so expensive).
Happy holidays guys!!

Retaliate or Do Nothing?

2008-09-20T21:30:00.004+08:00

It is inevitable that we make mistakes. But, we have to admit when we do something wrong. If you tried to do something to cover your fault, it will double your foolishness and stupidity. And, make sure that we do not laugh at the others when the others do something funny or wrong, as we do not know when we will do something funny in the future.

At KLIA

2008-09-20T18:30:00.002+08:00

I am now at KLIA. Waiting for tomorrow morning flight. As early as 6.55am. Can't wait to be at home. This is my first time going home after almost 3 months in UKM. After 2 weeks, I need to go back to UKM again. So sad...=(
To all my friends, happy holidays and Selamat Hari Raya for those who celebrate it.

The Day After Tomorrow

2008-09-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

Mandarin version

我对你感觉胜过爱情
因为有你给我勇气给我用不完的运气
其实也想好好爱你
只怕到最后不小心让你伤心
对不起我对你再好再亲密都不能在一起
最后看你在别人怀里
有天我会找到我的唯一
还微笑祝福你

English version

You are more than a lover to me
You give me strength and unlimited luck
Actually I want to love you to my fullest
But I am afraid that this will hurt you ultimately
I am sorry, that no matter how close we are, we are still friends
Ultimately, seeing you in the his hug
I believe I will find my true love
And wish you happy with a smile.

Are You Ready?

2008-09-15T22:04:00.001+08:00

We are always ready to live,
but never living.
We are always ready to love,
but never loving.

The Grey Zone

2008-09-14T19:02:00.002+08:00

They laugh joyfully at one end
they sob pitifully at the other end.
I, standing in the grey zone,
smiling at the laughter, and
comforting the crybabies.

Moonlight Resonance

2008-09-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

Dim light of the full moon
Lights up every part of Malaysia
Both east and west.
The easterner at the west
Weep over the mooncake, under the same
Dim light of the full moon.

Rainy Days

2008-09-11T23:33:00.003+08:00

Not every rainy day is meaningful
We won't cry over every rainy day
Certain rainy days make us sob
Appreciate those days
For you won't feel the same
When the next rainy day comes.

Egoism

2008-09-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

At times, we tend to be ego. When we think that we are better and more superior than the others, we tend to show our ego side to our friends and people around us. Have you ever thought of the effects of being egoistic?
In fact, what can we get after showing our ego side? Can we get things done? Are we richer by a thousand dollars in our account? Do we get more friends? We get nothing after the split-second of so-called "superiority and glory."